The 3 Words Guaranteed To Start A Fight In Every Relationship…

This may come as a surprise to you.


You may not be ready.


I’m trying to do you a favor here….


If you keep reading, I can’t be responsible for your emotional response to this….


The 3 words guaranteed to start a fight in every relationship are:

  • Relax.
  • Calm down.


Ok, relax and calm down while I tell you why these words should be eliminated from your vocabulary.

Relax and calm down are the 3 words that are said by people who feel the conversation is getting too heated/intense/pointed/focused.  These words are said by people looking to control the dialog and diffuse the situation.  The PROBLEM is: this way of attempting to handle the situation is unhealthy and inflammatory.

Key responses from people receiving these words?

  • I was calm, but now I want to hulk smash throw this desk at you.
  • Relax?  I’ll show you to relax by tying you to a chair and lighting your hair on fire.  How about THAT?
  • Who the hell do you think you are telling me to relax or calm down?  I don’t think so, jackwagon.


If you’re guilty of using these words – don’t.

How do you appropriately handle the situation if someone’s said them to you? You’ve got options!

  • Verbally say: I see my animated dialog is making you uncomfortable.  I’m sorry you feel that way.  (Do not relax, and don’t calm down, this is not your problem.)
  • Do not respond to the inflammatory remark.  Some people just want the satisfaction of cranking other people up.  Don’t give them the satisfaction.
  • Recognize that the other person is showing alarm or anxiety about where the conversation is going and may be unable to communicate their alarm or anxiety to you productively. – If you care about the relationship – try to help them navigate this with kindness.


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