Sometimes, we need a way to communicate with others the level of our anxiety/fear/anger/frustration/whateveritiswearefeelingthatwehavearighttofeeldamnit….
Having learned from a failed marriage and a very successful divorce, I’m here to tell you: YOU BETTER COME AT ME WHEN IT’S A 2 AND NOT A 10.
What does that mean for you? Look, sometimes you’re not going to get where I’m coming from, or why, or how I got there, or what I’m thinking or talking about. As a matter of fact, I’m probably not going to know a ton about those things regarding you either. So it helps if we have a system/scale for measurement of these things so I understand you and vice versa.
- On a scale of 0-10, zero being neutral and ten being `Full Stop’, where are you?
- On a scale of 1-10, I’m a full/hot/crazy 10. I need a time out. Let’s table this until I’ve had time to calm down and get back to neutral.
- Hey, I’ve brought a whole bunch of 2’s to you at different points, now I’m a 6/8/10 about _________. Can we please get this sorted out? I’m trying to be polite about it.
It’s important to check in often with the people you’re interacting with to make sure that everyone is on the same page about the temperature in the room, so to speak. You aren’t a mind reader and neither are they.
Bonus: Nobody wants to be loving and kind to a stark raving jerk face who’s a full 10 all the time. If that’s you….you may want to see about why it is you feel that way. That’s a “suck less” opportunity for sure. Sure it could be them…..but it’s probably you….